he looks like a really good dad on facebook
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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