yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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