So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
