I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
