I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
You did what with his pubic hair?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
