I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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