Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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