Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
