we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
vagina is talking i cant
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Ladies don't puke and tell
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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