dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I want to make a zoo with you.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
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That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
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It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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