no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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