the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
