I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
