My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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