look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize