I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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