i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
