that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
