So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
