I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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