Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
