I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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