Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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