I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
