She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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