Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
