we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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