I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
