3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
