My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
