something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
