Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
