this beer tastes like vomit already
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
