I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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