Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
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Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
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That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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