Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
