I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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