you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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