my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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