I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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