I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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