not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
