just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
