Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Welp...herpes.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
