Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
