Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
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She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
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I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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