I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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