the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
