That's intense
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
