Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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