I'm really into asian looking animals
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
