He is like the real live version of the state fair..
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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