i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
