Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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