hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
