Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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