The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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