You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
