the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
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It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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