Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Randomize
