i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
