Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
