somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
i think im in europe. pls send help
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
