Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
