this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
