Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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