I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize