I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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